Mostly Harmless
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elidyce: kansascity-elffriend: teaboot: teaboot: Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met...

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Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met Odysseus

They say if she made a prophecy Nobody would believe her

I’ve gotta say, that is exactly the kind of stupid thing that probably would circumvent a curse.


Odysseus: Regret it why?

Cassandra: You won’t believe me if I tell you. If I prophecy, nobody believes me. That is my curse.

Odysseus: … I’m Nobody. Fill me in. 

*A couple of months later* 

Odysseus: HELLO PENELOPE, I AM HERE PRECISELY ON TIME AND NOT YEARS LATE incidentally I rescued and adopted a Trojan seer while I was away, she’s great, got me home really fast, Cassandra this is your new mother who’s not going to treat you like shit. 

Penelope: … I’m going to need more details, but okay, sure. 

Cassandra: *in tears* I love you, new family. 

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nedroidcomics:How to Cut a Pizza

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How to Cut a Pizza

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ice-block: So animal misinformation is very common within society so I thought about making a list...

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So animal misinformation is very common within society so I thought about making a list of a couple of things that you probably should know about animals:

  • Do not flip rabbits upside down (it can literally kill them)
  • While we’re talking about rabbits, do not bathe them in water
  • Rabbits can’t eat lots of carrots, they have too much sugar
  • 75% of their diet should be hay
  • that cage you bought for your hamster is most likely too small
  • Any tank or bowl under 5 gallons is way too small for anything unless you are keeping snails
  • Your aquatic animal needs a filter
  • Yes, your beta fish needs a heater (as do all tropical aquatic animals)
  • No, fish are not decorations
  • Goldfish and koi are pond animals, goldfish can live in some tanks but they need to be big
  • You can not just buy 2 fish that school (like guppies, neon tetras, etc)
  • Trust nothing that petsmart or petco tells you about fish they actually know nothing
  • When you purchase a reptile you need to be willing to take care of it for it’s entire lifespan (some of the common reptiles sold at the store can live up to 50 years)
  • Your reptile needs a heater
  • Live feeding rodents actually isn’t that good and can harm your snake (only do this if the snake refuses frozen)
  • your reptile needs a water dish
  • Your turtle can’t live in a fish tank that just has a floating log for them to rest above water on
  • Most birds are social and should have companions
  • If they do not have a companion you need to make sure you spend enough time with them daily to make up for that
  • They can’t live off just seeds
  • You can’t cohabitate large and small birds
  • You should not put bedboxes or encourage nesting for tropical birds unless you plan on becoming a professional breeder and taking care of the babies yourself when the parents are incompetent
  • On the opposing side, domestic birds like pigeons and chickens need a nesting box because they will lay eggs reguarly (although these eggs will be unfertilized)
  • The chicken eggs you buy at the store are not unhatched baby chickens
  • Chickens legit don’t care if you take their eggs, they will eat the unfertilized eggs if left in the coop for too long, the eggs have a lot of nutrients that can help them, but do long as the chickens are getting a good diet they won’t need to eat the eggs
  • Honeybees make way too much honey and taking it from them prevents them from swarming (something that most of the time ends in the death of the entire colony)
  • You know how your neighbor/farm down the road/etc has horses? Yeah it’s fun to pet them and all but do not feed them random stuff you bring, you don’t know if they have special diet regulations or what is/is not poisonous and sending a horse to the vet is very expensive if you want to feed them something ask the farmer beforehand
  • I shouldn’t have to say this but do not enter any cow/horse/large animal pasture without the owners permission
  • Cows aren’t as sweet as the media makes them out to be, never let your guard down around a cow
  • Pigs are not herbivores, they are omnivores, they eat meat and basically whatever else they can
  • The same applies to chickens
  • Do not release domestic or domestic raised animals into the wild. Ever
  • You shouldn’t declaw your cat (get those rubber claw covers instead!)
  • Also don’t let your cat be an “outdoor” cat
  • That doesn’t mean don’t let your cat go outside, but when they are outside it should be under supervision and on a leash
  • If you don’t want to leash train them, get a catio!
  • Your omnivorous or carnivor animals CANT BE VEGAN

Feel free to add more to this list!

Yes, rabbits like carrot roots. *But* the whole thing about “rabbits getting into the garden and eating the carrots” involves rabbits eating the carrot greens, the parts that stick up above the soil. They’re generally not pulling up the whole root and noshing down like Bugs Bunny.
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thestuffedalligator: writing-prompt-s: When you learned of the god of war you thought hed be tall...

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When you learned of the god of war, you thought he’d be tall and muscular and angry. When you were about to meet him, you braced yourself for the worst.

You weren’t quite expecting the short, scrawny, shy kid you ended up getting instead.

Olive skin, black hair, skinny, dirty face with pale lines where tears had sliced through the ash and dust. A white chiton dress and a threadbare shawl draped over her shoulders.

A pair of wings - huge, black vulture wings, far too large on her tiny body - were the only things that suggested she was divine.

The general shifted his weight from foot to foot. Obviously respect had to be given to gods, but… “Er - I’m sorry, I was invoking Ares? The god of war?”

The child god shrunk in on herself, and pulled the shawl over her shoulders. She muttered something. “Sorry?” the general asked.

“Ares is the god of slaughter,” the child god said in a slightly louder voice. “Not war.”

The general looked at the priest. The priest shrugged, clearly lost at sea. “Well,” the general said, “then maybe Athena? Goddess of tactics in war?”

“Tactics,” the child god repeated. “Not war.”

There was a long, ugly silence, as the huge vulture wings shifted with the whisper of brushing feathers. “My name is - was - Iphigenia. Daughter of Agamemnon, king of Mycenae, commander of the Greeks who stormed the walls of Troy. When my father disgraced Artemis, and the winds of Greece would not blow her battleships to Troy, I was brought to Aulis. For my wedding, I was told. I was-”

She sobbed. Teardrops dribbled off her chin and fell to the temple floor. “I was fourteen. And then I was brought to the highest altar in Aulis, and - and then - and-”

Another sob. “I was fourteen,” she said.

The vulture wings draped over her, and she disappeared under the cloak of black feathers. When they parted, and when the child god looked up at the general, he fell backwards. Those eyes. Eyes he’d seen a thousand times in battle -

“I am the true spirit of war, general,” the child god said. “I am the goddess of bloodshed, of sacrifice, of the slaughter of innocents. I am invoked when men ravage, burn and pillage. I am invoked when mothers cry out, when sons die, when daughters are stolen. I hear it all, general. I have heard it all since the fall of Troy.”

The terrible wings opened up. The child god loomed over the fallen man, twenty, thirty feet tall. Somewhere, the priest was screaming. “How dare you call upon my name.”

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22 days ago
Plz to write twelve-volume series kthx.
22 days ago
Omg yes. I love seeing what people come up with based on the writing prompts blog
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littlemure:You hear a strange noise coming from the kitchen...

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You hear a strange noise coming from the kitchen doorway. Roll a purrception check.

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